Remember how I said that the worst secular Christmas songs were “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” “Santa Baby,” and Weird Al’s “Christmas At Ground Zero”?
I forgot the absolutely worst Christmas song, which I’m not sure I’ve heard yet this holiday season, but which, nightmare-like, inserted itself into my brain this morning as I woke up and will not go away.
“Last Christmas,” by George Michael.
Whatever you think of Michael’s music — and he actually did three songs I like (“Faith,” “Freedom ’90,” and “One Last Try”) — this particular songs is syrupy and whiny. You understand why his lover left him, if he’s this annoying.
The narrator of the song “gave his heart” to the object of his affections on Christmas, and “the very next day, you tore it apart.” Good heavens, man! It’s been a year, pull yourself together! How completely pathetic! So you’ve found a new lover — why are so obsessed with the old you have to go back and point out this fact?
I just hope I can scrub it out of aural memory soon, and replace it by something less objectionable, like “It’s a Small World.” Or “Achy-Breaky Heart.” Or dentists’ drills. Or something.
Of course, it could be worse: I could have “My Heart Will Go On” stuck in my head.