Damn, I’m good.

Last night, I went to my usual Monday night trivia game at the dive bar near my house. I was a team of one; there were seven teams of three to six, and one team of two (that finished dead last).

I won by six points. I beat out eight other teams with theoretically more mental firepower than me. Go me.

Of course, it helped a lot that I almost ran the photo category (it was about movies), that I knew that Vinson Massif was the highest mountain in Antarctica, and most of all that Herculaneum was the other city (than Pompeii) destroyed by the eruption of Vesuvius. That last was the Betting Bonus question: only three teams got it, and one of them only bet four points.

I was also helped by the best team not showing up last night. Still, not too shabby for a team of one.

Of course, now I have a certificate for a large pitcher of beer, to go with the certificate for a small pitcher of beer that I got for placing third a couple of weeks ago.

See? That hellishly expensive liberal arts education really has paid off.

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The crazy lady hands out mental health advice.*

I don’t speak in public. I occasionally engage in other expressive conduct (I’ve walked out of church sermons in protest), but I haven’t spoken. Until yesterday.

I attended one of the many rallies against Charlottesville at city hall. As I suspect happened at some other rallies, the conversation turned more broadly to the Trump administration, the ACA, how to get involved in local Indivisible or Democratic organization, etc. I heard about working against racism, sexism, and for LGBTQ rights. I did not hear anything about disability issues.**

So I quickly got my thoughts together, stood and spoke:

Hi. My name is Pat. I have a disability — I have bipolar disorder.

I watched in horror during the campaign as Trump mocked a disabled reporter. I have watched as senators have voted to dismantle the ACA, which so many disabled people, whatever their disability, rely on to get needed health care.***

One of the things I find, not just for myself but for some of  my friends, is the fight against despair. Because sometimes  it looks like there are so many things… There’s health care and voter suppression and there’s this and there’s that … I think that’s part of their strategy, to overwhelm people so they can’t get a grip.

I would encourage people to find one or two things to work on, so you don’t get overwhelmed.

I was at the Women’s March. I was at the March for Science. I’m here. Being together  with other people is so important.

One last thing –if you are feeling overwhelmed, Robert Reich has a wonderful video called “How to Survive the Summer of Trump.” I thought I’d pass that along.

Thank you.

It’s not the Gettysburg address; on the other hand, I was a lot less long-winded than some of the other speakers. When I mentioned struggling against despair, I saw people nodding in the crowd. The same happened when I mentioned the Reich video.

But best of all, afterward a teenage girl came up to me and shyly said “I have bipolar disorder, too. Thank you.”

Next up: maybe counter-protest at Google; definitely a rally the day after. Maybe a counter protest in San Francisco on the 26th.  This fight is going to take a while.

I seriously doubt I will speak at any of them; then again, I didn’t expect to speak yesterday.

 

*Yes, I know crazy is supposed to be derogatory. I’m using it ironically.

*** I’ve noticed this a lot. Often times, disability rights get overlooked in the list of causes progressives fight for.

***Unfortunately, I forgot and left off the line that I had in my head, which would have tied what I said to Charlottesville: “And I am well aware of what the Nazis did to people like me.”

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I <3 these people.

I am working on an extensive post about the geographical origins of Trumpism, but in the meantime, I just feel like posting something absolutely trivial. (The Trumpism post is still in progress, and while I think it’s important (at least to me), it’s also depressing.)

My current media crushes:

Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Rachel Maddow.
Chris Hayes.
Joy Reid.
Peter Capaldi.
Wonder Woman (okay, Gal Gadot).
Stephen Colbert.
Peter Sagal.
All of the regular panelists on Says You!, especially Murray Horwitz, Barry Nolan and Caroline Faye Fox.
Helen Mirren.
Idris Elba.
Questlove.
Chris Hardwick (fare-thee-well, @midnight!).
Hannah Hart.

And,  in my media crush Hall of Fame: Alton Brown.

Looking over this list, what I am struck by is how smart (geeky, too, several of them) all of these people are. Even the stunning Wonder Woman Gal Gadot, whom I would follow over any battlefield you would care to name, comes across as a sharp cookie. Naive, yes, but intelligent just the same.

The Resident Shrink once told me I have a “brain fetish.” Boy howdy is that true.

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Why bother?

I hate Barnett Newman. Actually, to be specific, I hate Barnett Newman’s work. (And do not get me started on Rothko.) I once sat for fifteen minutes in the Museum of Modern Art glaring at Vir Heroicus Sublimis, muttering and trying to get some meaning, any meaning, out of it. (According to the audio guide, when the painting was first exhibited, critics sniffed that it could have been the work of a housepainter. Later, as Newman began to be more highly regarded on the art scene, critics talked about the painting’s subtlety and nuance. They were right the first time.)

The point is, even though I didn’t understand or even like the work, I made the effort to engage with it. When I go to museums, I try to immerse myself in the experience — to connect with the art, sometimes with the architecture (the Tate Modern and Guggenheim in Bilbao come to mind).

Far too many people seem to feel otherwise. Stand in any museum, and you will see some people who move from room to move, looking at the paintings with a bored expression on their face.  I keep wanting to ask them, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

I’ve seen this particularly in museums and with artwork that are “must sees.” Let’s face it, there are paintings or sculptures that everyone thinks they need to see to be cultured. The Mona Lisa, Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, Seurat’s Sunday on the Island of La Grand Jatte. It’s too easy simply to treat a work as an item to check off of a list. (Even for me, sometimes: I was completely underwhelmed by the Mona Lisa. Although in my defense after I saw it once, I never bothered with it on subsequent visits to the Louvre.) I’ve also seen this at historic sites; when I lived in Northern Virginia, I would visit the Lincoln Memorial, and a disturbingly large number of tourists would walk in, take a picture of Lincoln, and leave.

To be fair, I have seen a lot less of this while viewing special events, such as the one I saw last month at SF MOMA. Edvard Munch is a bit of an acquired taste, perhaps, so the exhibit self-selects for people already interested in his work.

When I was viewing the Gerhard Richter’s Student Nurses at MOMA in New York, A couple walked in, older than me, who read the full description (not only the name but the explanation). After reading it, the man shrugged and they drifted on. I wanted to scream. How could they do that? How could they not even take the time to try to feel what Richter was trying to communicate?

Even Picasso’s Guernica, which reduced a friend and me to tears, got nothing more than simple glances from several people who stopped to view it. (To be fair, most people looking at it seemed to be deep in thought. The painting does that to you.)

My favorite person to go to museums with is the Not-So-Little Drummer Boy, precisely because he is not intimidated by the art. When we visited the Musee d’Orsay, a group of people, myself included, were solemnly intoning about the use of materials in Degas’ Little Dancer. The NSLDB had a different take. “What a brat!” he exclaimed. The entire group grew silent. The NSLDB had broken one of the unwritten rules of important museums — you have to be serious. Nervously, I tried to shush him. “Just look at her,” he continued. “Look at the way she stands! I went to school with girls like her!”

At that point, people chuckled and started talking about the girl. It was as though they had been given permission to really look at the sculpture, and think about its subject, and experience it in a new way.

During that same trip to the Orsay, I saw two women coming out of a Van Gogh exhibit. One woman was exclaiming enthusiastically about the intensity of the sunflowers, how beautiful they all were. Her friend was looking around nervously going, “Shush, we need to be quieter.” (The first woman was not talking loudly, it should be noted.)

I wanted to run up to them and say “No! She’s got it right! The sunflowers are intensely beautiful! Let her be enthusiastic! Don’t make her be serious!”

Because isn’t that what art is all about? About engaging our minds and our imaginations?

And laughing? Laughing in an art museum can get you nasty looks. Once, when I was wandering through the Met in New York and came across a portrait done by Sir Henry Raeburn, I burst into giggles. A husband and wife were passing by, and although I stopped giggling when they walked up, they glared, only glancing to see what I was laughing at.

I want to know from these people, if art does not give you joy, if it does not capture your heart and your soul, if you can’t be bothered to try and figure out what the art is telling you,  why are you in a museum?

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Watching the crazies.

The Not-So-Little Drummer Boy was a cool kid who grew up into a neat adult. He has moved out of New York and now teaches English to kindergartners, which he enjoys, and he has a girlfriend who I have not met but have talked to on the phone, and generally seems to be settling down.

He lives and works in Seoul, South Korea.

The chest thumping from North Korean leader  Kim Jong Un has made me nervous, but it is not really anything we haven’t heard before. The response from Donald Trump (threats will be “met with fire and fury and frankly, power”) made for a sleepless night.

Trump can’t be serious, can he? This is a man who lies constantly. A man known to bluff with no cards in his hand. It’s just another empty threat. Right?

My concern is that Kim Jong Un takes Trump at his word, and engages in a pre-emptive strike.  South Korea might be safer from a nuclear attack than we are here on the West Coast, I think. Kim may be crazy, but he’s not stupid: the north might experience nuclear fallout, right?

But if they have nuclear weapons, what other weapons do they have? Biological? Chemical? Just conventional weapons would cause a lot of damage.

What if Kim realizes just how weak Trump is? What if Kim realizes Trump was talking out his ass and decides to call his bluff? How safe is South Korea?

I am not a military or intelligence expert. I try to read the Washington Post and watch the news, but I tend to hyperventilate. I know I may just be catastrophizing here, but catastrophizing seems almost rational given the narcissistic incompetent we have in the White House and the crazy authoritarian across the sea. Both leaders seem to take every statement, every perceived threat, as a personal insult.

I know that all I can do is watch. I can suggest to the NSLDB that he come back to the States, but right now he’s staying put. If things go pear-shaped, how much time will he have to leave? Given his girlfriend, will he choose to stay there and ride things out?

When your kids grow up, they fly. Hopefully, they fly strong and free. I am proud of the NSLDB for trying something new, for experiencing a foreign land. For being willing to take chances.  For living a full and exciting life.

I just wish he weren’t living in a potential war zone, and that we didn’t have a petulant, thin-skinned child as a President.

Posted in Kids in all their glory, My life and times, Politics, The World | Tagged , | 2 Comments

It’s a day.

I have three separate posts that I am working on. One about Trump supporters and the Deep South, one about immigration and the Statue of Liberty, and one about art museums.

And I am not working on any of them.

Instead, I have been engaging in my favorite time sink (Facebook) and household chores. I have at least done laundry and cleaned the kitchen.

I am still so very tired a lot of the time. It’s been two months since I was diagnosed with pneumonia; I should be over it already.

I have discovered another time-sink: horse racing. I have always loved racing, but except for the big races telecast on the major broadcast networks, I have not had the chance to see much of it. Enter Fox Sports and Saratoga Live!, coverage of the last four races of the day at the track at Saratoga. I DVR it during the day and watch it at night. (DVRing allows me to skip commercials, walks around the paddock, and interviews with trainers. No trainers give interesting interviews, although I do have a fond spot in my heart for Shug McGaughey.) Since I know next to nothing about these horses, I always pull for the gray one.

Saratoga Live! may lead me into another potential time-sink: researching horse bloodlines. I am fascinated by how in any given race there might be several horses with the same sire. (I have yet to see horses with the same dam; then again, stallions produce vastly more offspring than mares do.) I have yet to succumb, however.

The Red-Headed Menace turned twenty-one yesterday. On one hand, I feel old; on the other, all my kids can now buy me Gewurztraminer for my birthday. There’s always a silver lining.

Level unlocked: Buttercream frosting. This achievement comes courtesy of the Kitchen-Aid stand mixer we got from a friend a few weeks ago. (I had been planning to do a seven-minute or Italian meringue frosting, but I figured that handling molten hot sugar was a bad idea, given my tremors.) Now, if I can only figure out how to keep flour or powdered sugar from exploding all over the counter when I turn it on….

Saffron-Raspberry cake: Take a standard white cake mix. (So I don’t make this cake from scratch. Sue me.) Boil the water required for the mix. Stir in a couple of good pinches of saffron, and let the water cool to room temperature. Cook cake according to directions, using saffron water. Melt raspberry jam in the microwave (I think about 4 – 6 ounces, but I am not sure). Split cooled cake layers, and fill with melted jam. Frost with homemade buttercream frosting.

I am trying not to be terrified about the possibility of Congress and the administration not raising the debt ceiling. I am also worried about a government shutdown, but less so. The long-term damage to the country will be less with the latter.

The days are getting slowly shorter, and the sunlight slightly less intense. I find myself smiling at this.

I talked to a family member in Mississippi a couple of days ago. It was a lovely conversation…. but then again, we avoided politics. One thing I like about my family is that we are capable of being nice to each other, even though they are Trump supporters and I most emphatically am not.

I have been reading Bruce Catton’s The Civil War (see: potential blog post about the Deep South, above). I am gaining a new perspective on a lot of things I thought I knew. Catton is a reliable source, and new ideas are almost always a good thing. While I think it unlikely that a new civil war will break out in the country, according to Catton neither the North nor the South excepted the other to go to war, either.

At any rate, that’s my day. I hope yours is going well, too.

 

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In San Francisco, no less.

To tell you the truth, I’m still freaked out by the whole thing.

On a random impulse, I decided to go to the beach, hoping to see the sun set. I hopped in the Rocket Scientist’s car (he’s out of town) and headed north. Then, on a yet more random impulse, as I was underway I decided “Screw that, I’m going to the Golden Gate Bridge.” (The chances of being able to see the sunset from the bridge were, as usual for this time of year, terrible.) I stopped briefly at the Great Highway to chuckle at the sight of people dressed (appropriately) in down coats in August, and to determine exactly what shade of gray the ocean was. (The breakers were a gray-green; farther out the ocean was slate.) As I left I thought that once I had crossed the bridge I would call friends in San Francisco to see if any of them were available. (Given that it was late afternoon on a Saturday in August, I figured the odds were about equal to those of me seeing the sunset from the bridge.)

In the vicinity of Golden Gate Park, while stopped at a red light, I became aware that a guy was hanging out the back window of the new Nissan Altima behind me. He was screaming obscenities at me and my Hillary bumper sticker.

“Motherfucker [unintelligible] Hillary [unintelligible] fucking Hillary … You mother fucker!!” This went on until the light changed. I drew a deep breath and drove on.

He did the same thing at the next light and the light after that. I could hear the three other guys in the car egging him on. He didn’t sound very angry (he laughed occasionally) but it was clear to me that they wanted to make me afraid.

They continued to follow me. The verbal abuse stopped, but I looked back at one point and the guy who had screamed at me was leaning out of the window photographing the back of the car. They were close enough that the bumper sticker would be legible, but more to the point the license plate would be as well.

I told myself to keep calm — they were highly unlikely to get out and confront me physically as there was too much traffic. I kept expecting them to turn off onto one of the side streets, but they didn’t. Once we were on the approach to the bridge I realized that they were not going to stay in the city. I slowed down significantly, and the driver passed me.

“Whew,” I thought. “Okay, they’re simply going north and just saw me as an easy opportunity to harass a Hillary supporter. I’ll just go to the vista point, look out at the waves and the Bay Bridge, take some deep breaths, maybe call a couple of people.”

The car exited at the vista point.

Clearly, I wasn’t going to exit there myself. I went down an exit, and because by that time my brain was screaming and my pulse racing, I got turned around and spent half an hour wandering through Sausalito trying to get down to downtown.  Sausalito has a lovely downtown with no available parking on a Saturday in the early evening. As I was driving around I did see the remnants of the sunset under the fog surrounding the full moon. It was beautiful, and if I could have found parking I would have stayed.

I managed to get back on the freeway headed south and decided to head home. At this point, I decided that although I love my friends what I really needed was to be safe under my own roof.

I’m home now, and I’m still shaking. I am telling myself that I’m overreacting, that they didn’t really pose a threat to me, that even if I had followed them to the vista point the most they would have done is keep yelling at me, and probably not even that given all the people around. (Then again, I wouldn’t have thought they would have kept screaming at me with traffic around, either.)

I keep trying not to remember the other times I have been threatened by men.

I don’t even know if they were Trump supporters. It was San Francisco so they might well have been Berniebots. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that four grown men (ages roughly mid- to late-twenties) thought it socially acceptable to try to intimidate or terrorize a lone woman with no warning and for no reason.

Oh, what a brave new world we live in.

 

Posted in My life and times, Politics | Tagged , | 9 Comments

Affirmative action for whom?

The Trump administration believes that white men have been disadvantaged in college admissions. The Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department, in a development that would be amusingly hypocritical if it were not a sickening subversion of everything the division stands for, has decided to investigate and possibly sue colleges and universities with affirmative action plans.  The department is running the project out of its front office rather than its Educational Opportunities Section because the career staff wants nothing to do with it.

While they’re at it, I think the administration should look at all the affirmative action programs. Let’s start with athletes. In 2017, NCAA Division I schools were allowed 269.9 scholarships for male athletes per year and 254.1 for women athletes.  (When I was applying to college back in the dawn of time, I was at an event for potential Princeton students, where the young men (there were no young women aside from me in the room) bitterly moaned about money spent on women’s sports taking away funding for smaller men’s sports such as wrestling. Funny, they would bitch about the relatively small number of women’s scholarships in any given sport (the most for any women’s sport in 2017 was 18 for Track & Field/Cross Country and Ice Hockey) but seemed perfectly okay with the huge number of scholarships allocated to football (85 in 2017). You still see some of these misogynistic crybabies on the Internet.)

And what about rich kids? Kids whose parents can effectively buy their way in (cough*JaredKushner*cough)? What is that but affirmative action for the wealthy?

And then there are legacies. Your folks went to XYZ elite university, and you have a better shot at going there yourself. Given the lack of diversity programs in the past, legacy admissions maintain the socioeconomic status quo, and not in a good way.

I am the product of two very elite institutions. I was not a legacy, I was not wealthy, and I was certainly not an athlete. I got in because of my test scores (my grades were good but not earth-shaking) and my ability to write a decent essay. I was able to stay in because both schools had good financial aid programs. But the more I looked around, the more I came to believe that diversity of all types — racial, ethnic, religious, socioeconomic — is essential to a proper education.

I can still remember quite vividly the classmate at Wellesley, who in the midst of a discussion about America in the 1960s, said “But what you do defines you! It’s the first thing people say about themselves! You know….’I’m a doctor,’ ‘I’m a lawyer’…” ” “Not if you’re a taxicab driver or a plumber,” I replied. She looked shocked. She honestly had not considered the world beyond the narrow slice of society that she knew.

Classmates and professors taught me to understand the ways in which the experience of people of color differed from mine. I still miss things, but to the extent I am cognizant of racial inequalities I have them to thank.

And law schools almost definitionally require diversity. All of us are covered by the law, and all of us need to have our experiences reflected in the makeup of those who carry out those laws. Lawyers from elite law schools become professors, or judges, or, often, lawmakers.  We need a broad range of perspectives to ensure that we truly are one nation with justice for all.

But justice for all is clearly not a priority for the Trump administration. Otherwise, they would never be spending resources in seeking to “protect” a class of people that get more protection than anyone else.

In the end,  most of us — not merely those who benefit from diversity programs — will be the poorer for it.

 

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Do you ever feel like you are in a movie?

I do right now, except that if any screenwriter attempted to capture and put down on paper the current state of our government no studio would greenlight it. The whole situation is simply too bizarre.

I fell into movie unreality mode last week when Trump hired Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications Director. Scaramucci could have walked off the big screen, only in a movie by Martin Scorcese instead of Woody Allen. Profane and verbally violent, Scaramucci lasted only ten days in the job. I’m sad to see him go, sort of: he was amusing in the darkly nasty way that so much of the Trump White House is, at least if you don’t think too hard about the implications of their actions.

While Scarmucci merely looked the part of a gangster, his boss demonstrated a willingness to engage in the tactics used by the criminals in every mob movie. Following her vote against several iterations of Trumpcare, Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski (as well as Alaska’s other senator, Dan Sullivan) received a call from Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke, who told her that Alaska would face consequences for her independence. As Rachel Maddow put it, “Nice state you got there… it’d be a shame if anything happened to it.”   (Alaskans are tough; I have no doubt that Murkowski will be fine.)

We have known for six months now that Trump does not understand the separation of powers. We get handed more and more evidence every day that he neither understands nor respects the rule of law. The attempted shakedown of Alaska is just one more example.

This is how the man ran his business. People who crossed him, who said no, who stood up for themselves, were threatened. In 1984, Trump used undocumented Polish immigrant workers in the construction of Trump Tower. He paid them half the prevailing union wage and only a little above minimum wage. When the lawyer representing the workers placed mechanics liens on the building for unpaid wages, Trump threatened to sue him for $100 million for filing unwarranted liens. When that didn’t work, he tried to have the workers deported.*

Given his insistence on ignoring ethics rules, not to mention engaging in unbridled nepotism, his fury at the Attorney General taking the proper and ethical course by recusing himself from the Russia investigation, and most of all his campaign’s possible — probable? — collusion with Russian interference in the 2016 election, Trump makes Richard “When the President Does It, That Means It’s Not Illegal” Nixon look like a piker.

None of this is news. Unless you have been blissfully living in the woods somewhere with no media exposure (lucky you!), you should know what this man is like. Every day he goes further and further along the road of despotism. He will soon be a penny-ante Vladimir Putin. Perhaps luckily for us, he lacks the competence to be a first-rate Vladimir Putin.

And every day, as our democracy seemingly inches towards mild totalitarianism, I am deeply saddened by the number of my fellow citizens who are more than willing to overlook the destructive path we are on. Myriads of pixels have been expounded on why Trump supporters remain steadfast; I can’t understand it, and I’m not sure I even have the wherewithal to try anymore. I can’t help but be appalled that these people, so many who screamed “lock her up!” about Hillary Clinton, do not care about being led by a man who views the law as something that only applies to other people. (Given how the law has been written over the years to screw them over, perhaps this is not surprising.) It seems that for many of my fellow citizens, we are no longer a nation of laws.

It is all about the man: many of his supporters want a Messiah, not a President, and are willing to overlook any flaws, forgive any defects in their chosen leader.**

God help us all.

*I usually find the Food Network’s Geoffrey Zakarian annoying. The man won mad props from me, though, after he pulled out of the lease for his restaurant which was slated to be opened in the Trump hotel in the Old Post Office, following Trump’s statements about Mexicans being rapists and murderers. Trump sued for $10 million, of course. Zakarian stated that Trump’s behavior would make it difficult to run a profitable restaurant. In his deposition in the case, Trump stated that the opposite was true: now that he was president, a lot of people would want to eat there. I hate to ever agree with Trump, but he’s right: given how popular the hotel has been with foreign dignitaries — not that they would be seeking to influence the President of the United States or anything — I feel sure a restaurant there would have a healthy business, at least while Trump was president. The suit settled for an undisclosed sum, and there is no restaurant in the area where Zakarian’s would have been.

** You see this on the left as well: the more fanatical Bernie Bots showed similar inclination to overlook their candidate’s flaws: if their guy didn’t win, it didn’t matter who did, and they were more than willing to drag the rest of us down with them.

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Heroism.

Before I start, let’s acknowledge that yes, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski showed courage in their early and continuing opposition to the Republican health bill. I don’t contest that, nor do I minimize their efforts to prevent a bill that would be destructive to the well-being of millions of Americans.

But John McCain…

After John McCain returned from Arizona, after his diagnosis of brain cancer, he has been excoriated by more than one person on my Facebook. (Not my friends, but friends of friends.) They sneered at his courage. They ignored his achievements because they saw him as betraying the country by voting for the Trumpcare bill to come to the floor of the Senate.

They accused him of hypocrisy when he called for the Senate to return to “proper order,” and to engage in real bipartisanship.

They were wrong. By helping the bill come up for a vote by the entire Senate, and then voting to kill it, he makes it very difficult for Republicans to come out with yet another bill, at least until the end of the fiscal year. His first vote, a vote for proper process, became in its own way a vote against Trumpcare: had the Republican leadership not thought that they had the votes for it to pass they never would have let it get to the Senate floor. (I knew the bill was in trouble when in the moments before the vote McCain crossed over to the other side of the aisle and hugged Dianne Feinstein.)  It is also a move that neither Collins nor Murkowski was in a position to do, given their early and ongoing opposition.

The truth about John McCain is that he is more moderate than many progressives admit. According to Progressive Punch, he is the 52d most progressive senator (i.e., the 48th most conservative senator). Meanwhile, the ultra-conservative Conservative Review gives McCain an F, with a 33% “Liberty® Score.” (I didn’t know the word Liberty could be trademark protected.)

So McCain isn’t Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, or Al Franken.  Neither is he Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, or Jeff Sessions.

John McCain is an undisputed war hero. Whatever you think of the US involvement in Vietnam, being captured and tortured because you are fighting in a war your country sent you to marks you as a hero, at least in my book. He still carries damage from that war.

Have we gotten that partisan that we cannot recognize and honor a man who deserves to be so honored?

During the 2008 presidential campaign, a woman in the audience at one of his campaign stops began a diatribe about Obama being a devious Muslim. McCain stopped her. He said that Obama was a good Christian and a good man. He said that there were differences of opinion about how the country should be run, but that Obama was a decent human being.  Can you imagine Donald Trump doing that? The devil would be skating to work.

McCain is not perfect; no one is. He supported Trump in the 2016 campaign and continues to support the Republican agenda. I disagree with a most of his positions and take exception to a lot of his votes. He was implicated in the Keating Five scandal in 1989, but the Senate Ethics Committee cleared him of everything but “poor judgment.” None of that changes my view of him as an essentially honest man.

On the left, we have to be careful. We have a responsibility to look at facts, not to engage in knee-jerk derision based simply on party affiliation. While we often yell about conservatives’ refusal to engage in constructive dialogue, at the same time we retreat into our ideological corner.  I don’t agree with the Republicans’ insistence that all the movement towards bipartisanship come from us. At the same time, however, we shouldn’t make the situation any worse than it is.  The country needs unity. We have to speak up for our values, but not at the expense of common decency.

John McCain’s vote against Trumpcare doesn’t make him a hero, but it does not and cannot negate the heroism he has already shown in his life.

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Dunkirk. No spoilers.

I saw Dunkirk last night. Part of me wishes I hadn’t.

Dunkirk falls into the “important movies that I think everyone should see and I am very glad I saw but I never want to see again” category, much like Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan. Chris Nashawaty at Entertainment Weekly summed its essence up quite neatly:

Nolan has for all intents and purposes conjured the British response to Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan. If you can imagine that film’s kinetic, nerve-wracking 29-minute opening D-Day invasion stretched out to feature length, this is what it would look like.

Nashawaty, by the way, gave the film an A.

Many reviewers criticize Dunkirk‘s lack of characterization, that Christopher Nolan doesn’t concentrate enough one or two characters. They’re wrong: the large number of characters Nolan follows, and the myriad stories he tells, along with the cutting from one to the other, add to the sense of chaos.

As far as I can remember, I have only walked out of three movies because of anxiety. I missed about five minutes of Black Swan (people having psychotic breakdowns upset me). I left during the cleansing of the Krakow ghetto in Schindler’s List (for a few minutes because I was dizzy from holding my breath, and I was six months pregnant and was worried about the effect on the baby). The Rocket Scientist ordered me out of Arachnophobia because I was curled into a ball and whimpering. Only in the last case did I not come back.  (I saw Saving Private Ryan on television, or I’m sure I would have had to leave for part of that, too. I refused to see Terence Malick’s The Thin Red Line because I knew it would be too hard to watch, having had a father who served in the Pacific theater.)

I had to walk out of Dunkirk for a few minutes because I was developing a full-fledged anxiety attack. I was shaking and whimpering. I had to leave and do some deep breathing before I could come back. Even so, I spent a good chunk of the movie with either my eyes closed or a hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t scream. Or both.

Hans Zimmer’s score was masterful.  I have not heard a score that did as good a job of conveying dread and impending doom since Jaws. If he does not win an Oscar for best score that would be a crime. (Yes, I know it only July. I seriously doubt anyone is going to top Zimmer’s work here.)

In short, Dunkirk is a wonderful and terrible movie. Apparently part of the right wing condemns it for not showing war as noble and glorious, and that’s true, it doesn’t. That’s because war — even a war as important to the survival of democracy as World War II — isn’t noble and glorious, and Christopher Nolan understands that.

So, yes, definitely go see Dunkirk. Just don’t ask me to come along.

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I often write about politics. You may have noticed I’m not doing that right now.

It’s because anything political is a moving target these days. It takes me a couple of days to digest what is going on, and in the era of Trump and Mitch McConnell the landscape can shift dramatically in that period of time. I was going to write a post about whether or not Don, Jr. has committed treason (in the legal sense, not in the colloquial stab your country in the back sense) — spoiler: he hasn’t — and about the people in the shadows behind the scandal.  Unfortunately, every day new information comes out that affects how I feel and how I write about these things.

That, and I really am still recovering from pneumonia. (I seem to have suffered a setback this week, resulting in another doctor’s visit.)  Just reading the news exhausts me.  So I write about other things, not events that cause me to cry.

Hopefully, I will be back yelling about Trump (or his administration, which are doing some horrible things) soon.

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Who?

I have not been a Dr. Who fan all my life. I first saw the series during the beginning of the Fourth Doctor, when the Rocket Scientist and I would go to his parents for Sunday dinner (they would give us leftovers, which as penurious as a graduate student and wife we appreciated). He would insist on leaving so as to make it home before the show came on, or if that were not possible to stay and watch it there. I would usually knit through it. (I have a blue and white shawl, that was supposed to be a scarf except I have no sense of scale.) I was not impressed.

When the new series started up, I became interested. I’m not sure why, except that  maybe by that time I was hanging out with nerdier people. At any rate, I liked Christopher Eggleston, I loved David Tennant, and I kept wanting to smack Matt Smith. (If you look in the dictionary under “twee,” you’ll see a picture of the Eleventh Doctor). Then came Peter Capaldi as the Twelfth Doctor.

Peter Capaldi has been my favorite Doctor. Maybe it’s because the actor is close to my age, or because his sadness and anger seem more genuine than some of the others. And his interactions with Clara Oswald (best companion ever) seemed deeply loving, without the creepy sexual overtones there were with Eleven.

Capaldi has just finished up his run as the Doctor. While I am sad to see him go, I understand his not wanting to do more than three seasons. They just announced the Thirteenth Doctor, and I must say I am quite disappointed.

I wanted Helen Mirren.

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Eight.

Eight.

Eight black and white paintings of young women with smooth and airbrushed skin, drawn from the pages of their school yearbook. Pretty young women, smiling, with the bouffant hairdos so common in the late sixties.

I was confronted by the paintings as I turned a corner in the Museum of Modern Art in New York. After quizzically looking at the title of the piece, I didn’t need to read any further to know who they were.

The Gerhard Richter piece was named “Student Nurses.”

The eight women in the paintings were the eight student nurses murdered in Chicago in 1968. Their yearbook pictures had been printed in the newspaper, which was the source for Richter’s paintings.

I knew who they were because I have, at various points in my life, been an aficionado of true crime books, especially involving serial killers. While I have never read a book about this butcher particularly, I am well aware of his place in the annals of real-life horror in this country.  In addition, my sister had been a beginning student nurse at the time his murderous rampage had occurred, so this particular gruesome incident had left an impression.

As I stood before the paintings, I drew a deep breath and confronted the welter of emotions that slammed into me. First was horror, as I realized what I was looking at. Then distaste. Then an odd feeling somewhat akin to shame, at what messages those paintings were giving. Then, finally, sadness.

Andy Warhol, with his silkscreens of Marilyn and Elvis, forces us to think about the commodification of celebrity. We have the image of stars on our big or little screens; we think we know them. We think we own them. Elvis and Marilyn and Liz Taylor cease to be people and are goods, objects to be placed on a shelf somewhere.  If he were alive today, Warhol would no doubt be making the same point with silkscreens of Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

With “Student Nurses,” Richter does something more profound and disturbing: he confronts us with the commodification of tragedy.

Eight young women are murdered, and their pictures are published in the paper. We read about them over our coffee and eggs, and then many of us shrug and go on with our lives. “How horrible,” we say. Their life — no, their horrific death — has simply become grist for the mill of the public imagination.  The act of putting their pictures in the paper, though, creates an illusion that somehow we know these women, that if we showed up at their killer’s trial we would be able to talk about how sweet these girls were, how we needed to get justice for eight young women who we would never even have known existed if they hadn’t been strangled and stabbed to death in their Chicago apartment.

You see it all the time. At the Scott Petersen trial, I saw interviews with perfect strangers who talked about Laci Petersen as if she were a long-lost cousin. After Casey Anthony was acquitted of her daughter’s murder, “Justice for Caylee!” memes spread like wildfire throughout Facebook. Jon-Benet Ramsey’s murder has spawned a cottage industry of books and televisions specials.*

People use first names of victims as though they know them, as though by the act of watching the news or reading Facebook they can claim kinship with them. That they can own them.

Murder becomes entertainment.

Victims of serial killers, instead of canonization, face erasure. In all honesty, the only victims’ names I can remember from all my blood-soaked true crime reading is Gianni Versace, and that for his clothes, and Sharon Tate, who was an actress, and Rosemary and Leo La Bianca, because they were killed by the Manson family the night after Sharon Tate. I remember that one of the Zodiac’s victims was named Darlene, and another Paul, but that’s it. The murderers’ names, though, come through clear: H.H. Holmes, Jack the Ripper, Ted Bundy, the Green River Killer, Richard Ramirez (a.k.a. the Nightstalker), the Manson family, the Zodiac,  the BTK killer, and on and bloodily on.

Richter’s paintings make us look more closely at ourselves, the way we objectify the victims of tragedy. Of how we distance ourselves from what goes on in the world, or how we pretend a connection that doesn’t exist. Either way, we turn horror into fan-fiction with real people instead of Harry Potter characters.

Doing neither — being neither too distant nor too close — requires walking a fine emotional line. It means accepting and being moved by the circumstances of others, while not obscenely co-opting them like a sensation-fueled vampire. It requires emotional discipline.

It also requires us to accept victims as humans. As, in this case, as young women. As…

Gloria Davy
Mary Ann Jordan
Suzanne Farris
Valentia Pasion
Patricia Matusek
Marlita Gargullo
Pamela Wilkening
Nina Schmale.

May their souls rest in peace.

*Of course, these are white female victims, killed by civilians. Naming African-American victims is not objectifying but humanizing them. #LaciPetersen might be ghoulish; #PhilandoCastile brings attention to injustice carried out by people who should be protecting all of us.

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Art matters.

I know how much art matters because, while still recovering from pneumonia, I stupidly spent hours wandering around the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.

It began when the Rocket Scientist and I spent Sunday in SF to celebrate our anniversary. A lovely hotel room, a fantastic dinner, and a great breakfast the next morning all contributed to a lovely time. We had originally planned to spend a few hours at SF MOMA as well, but a slight emergency required him to leave early and head back home.

I decided to stay in the city. I was feeling pretty good, and I thought “What the hell? It’s not like I am going to spend a lot of time here.” I walked the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral, centering and emotional as usual, only slightly marred by the tourists who treated it all as a game. Afterward, I grabbed a cab and headed for the museum. They had an Edvard Munch exhibit that I was quite interested in.

Edvard Munch’s work speaks to my soul.  Out of all the Expressionists, I love his paintings. I love them  even more than Van Gogh’s. Everyone is familiar with “The Scream,” of course, the ubiquitous masterpiece which has been referenced in everything from Halloween masks to crappy Chris Columbus movies. I love his other work, however, and was looking forward to seeing it in person, since it is unlikely I am ever going to visit Oslo. (According to the young man who sold me my ticket, Munch’s work has not been exhibited in the US since the early 1950s.)

I loved the exhibit. It didn’t include “The Scream,” but the works on display fascinated me. Among the art was “Sick Mood at Sunset. Despair,” the painting that preceded and inspired “The Scream,” as well as his beautiful and slightly disturbing “Madonna.”  Like Rembrandt, Munch was a prolific self-portraitist, and again like Rembrandt, Munch’s  self-portraits evolved through time and reflected the turbulence of his life.

My favorite paintings were reflections on love and sex. One, which featured a bearded wild-eyed man looking who has turned away as two lovers embrace in the background, absolutely encapsulated what jealousy feels like. (Guess what its title is?) The painting I loved the most, “The Dance of Life,” shows a ring of dancers, with two women flanking the central couple. One woman, dressed in white, smiles and reaches for flowers, while the other woman, dressed in dark gray, frowns sadly. Looking closer, you can see that they are the same woman. The audio guide explained that this represents a woman looking at both ends of a relationship: its giddy, joyful beginning, and its sad, lonely end.

I spent an hour in the Munch exhibit. Then I decided that I was a bit tired and headed to the café for a drink (in this case a blood orange San Pellegrino) and a snack. (The flourless chocolate cake is lovely.) I was a little tired, but hey! Museum! I certainly was not going to leave after just an hour.

After about twenty minutes in the cafe, I went out to see the rest of the collection. I didn’t see everything, but I needed to see the Chuck Close and Gerhard Richter sections. I love Close’s paintings: I named my current backup drive after him. And Gerhard Richter paints reflections on the world around us that are thought-provoking and often disturbing.

At the three hour mark, I hit the wall. I could no longer ignore the messages from my body reminding me that I was still recovering from pneumonia. I managed to get my stuff together and stagger outside. Narrowly avoiding collapsing from exhaustion, I caught a cab to the train station — so much for my plan to take a Muni bus.

I waited forty minutes for a train that would stop where I needed to, but there were seats and a stall that sold refreshments. Once on the train, I was able to rest for an hour, which I sorely (in more ways than one) needed.

I paid for my extravagance. I spent the next day, and the day after, hardly able to move. All of this because I just had to see an exhibit that is going to be on display until October 9.  It was a wonderful exhibit, but was it worth it?

Hell, yes. It was stupid, but there are things worth acting stupid for.

 

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