My life.

I have not written for quite a while. Something drowns my thoughts, these days. I grieve our nation — the pandemic of COVID-19, the epidemic of Blacks dying at the hands of the police. The refusal of the Administration to do anything about either. Indeed, while the pandemic rages on, the Administration seeks to finally get rid of Obamacare — especially the provisions that require insurers to not consider pre-existing conditions. Just think of the two million-plus people who have been diagnosed with COVID-19. How are they going to get insurance? Not to mention all the people who will lose their coverage immediately.

The plans that federal employees get do not discriminate on the basis of a pre-existing conditions. If they did, I would be unable to get coverage. Suppose the administration changes those plans? I would not put it past the bastards. All they care about is their friends in various industries making money.

And the other epidemic. I can’t march — tendonitis in my Achilles — so I give money to organizations such as Black Lives Matter. It doesn’t seem enough, somehow.

On a more personal note, I am recovering from a root canal. During the lockdown, I put off seeing the dentist. When I did, he sent me to an endodontist. I asked him if it was an emergency, and he said “Three months ago, yes; three weeks ago, no.” (The endodontist told me that during lockdown they were seeing people that they would normally have sent to the ER.) I looked at the x-ray and said, “Wow, it looks like the infection is impinging on the bone.” “Oh, no,” he answered, “the infection is in the bone.”

Two hours later, I was sent on my way in pain and a thousand bucks poorer. (Dental insurance only covered forty percent.) Complications have meant antibiotics, which I hate.

I am just grateful I have dental insurance, and the resources to pay for the work. Had I not gotten the tooth seen to, I could have gotten very, very sick. (It’s possible to die from an abcessed tooth.) I have another root canal that I need to get done in a couple of weeks, but that is not as bad.

This could have been avoided except for COVID. When the tooth first started bothering me (not really hurting much, just uncomfortable), the dentist was only taking emergency patients, which I didn’t think I was. When they opened the office up, my first attempt was rebuffed because I was running a fever. I got a negative COVID-19 test, and the fever abated (I was put on an antibiotic by my doctor for an unrelated condition), but that cost me a week. (Looking back, the fever was probably caused by my tooth infection.) Had it not been for COVID-19 I would have been seen probably a month before I actually was.

The tooth is still hurting several days after the procedure (hence the antibiotics). I find myself remarkably chill about it; normally I would be catastrophizing like mad. What will be with this will be.

I am disappointed that the Rocket Scientist and I could not go out for our anniversary. And my tooth pain meant I could eat little of the wonderful paella he made, including lobster tails. It’s been thirty-seven years! That deserves lobster. And paella was reminiscent of all the trips to Spain that we have taken over the years. (Did you know that the thirty-seventh-anniversary gift is “books”? Guess what I gave him.)

I have finally accepted the fact that life will not return to “normal” for a long time, if ever. My job is to do the best with the situation I have been given.

And try not to be so consumed with grief I cannot get anything done.

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