Existential questions.

How do you know when you’re broken? How do you determine whether this is your psyche demanding a few days (or months) of letting go?

Or when you have become a Good German? Or a Soviet comrade?

When is it all too much?

Perhaps I suffer from a lack of imagination, but I never expected to reach this point in my lifetime. I hated the Reagan and GWB administration, but I never felt hopeless. I never entertained the thought that there would be anything other than a smooth transfer of power between administrations. Michael Cohen, the President’s fixer and someone who really new Trump, raised that very possibility in his testimony to Congress. When I heard him say that, I felt sick. Never in my lifetime, not even during Watergate, has any Congressional witness said anything like that.

It received no media coverage, lost in all the other revelations during Cohen’s testimony.

I know the only hope we have is to fight. The Third Reich collapsed, albeit under the withering attack of opposing militaries. The Soviet Union fell apart, too, albeit taking over seven decades to do so. If the forces of hatred and oppression, who would turn the clock back to an era they claim was a Golden Age of American history but was really a time they could grind people of color and women under their heel, get thoroughly entrenched, it may take a generation or more to uproot them. Their strategy of nominating and confirming young judges who share their twisted views (such that not only Roe v. Wade but Dredd Scott were wrongly decided (ETA: it is Clarence Thomas who thinks Dred Scott was wrongly decided; Trump’s judicial nominees don’t think Brown v. Board was correct) is thoroughly effective: regardless of what happens at the ballot box, these people will totally control a branch of the government for decades. This is good news for corporations, I suppose, but terrible for a lot more of us.

I have causes; I just need reasons to think I am not just tilting at windmills.

I understand I am probably overreacting. But I need to know the world — the country — can be the good and moral country we used to say we wanted to be.

Hey, a hummingbird!

Hummingbirds don’t care what happens in Alabama. It doesn’t matter to the plovers on the shore whether the President has released his tax returns. The deer on the side of I-280 couldn’t care less what the Mueller Report says.

It’s not much, but it helps.

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