Dear New York Mets:
Thank you thank you thank you thank you. Even if the whole country wanted the Cubs to win the NLCS, you are still my Mets and I am very happy you are going to the World Series.
Just four more.
Maybe your only fan in Silicon Valley.
Corporate taxes — and hotel taxes fall into that category — are not donations. You don’t get brownie points for actually having paid them, especially since you fought for years to avoid doing so. The billboards passively-agressively hinting so are obnoxious.
Also, the fact that you ran these while in the middle of an election that could have a large effect on your bottom line showed …. incredibly poor political judgment. Don’t you have consultants who vet these sort of things for you?
Someone who has a lick of political sense, unlike you guys.
Dear Sean Hannity (and, by extension, Donald Trump):
For heaven’s sake, check your sources. Repeating statistics off of fake news websites just makes you look like an idiot. Although I’m not sure I care….
….except there are far too many people who rely on you for their world outlook. Stirring up resentment against the administration for things they’re not even doing may be par for the course with you, but it’s bad for the country.
Not that I think you care about that.
A person who actually knows how to read stuff on the Internet.
Dear Ben Carson:
Stop using the Nazis rhetorically. It’s offensive, and you have your facts wrong to boot. The Nazis did not restrict gun ownership except among Jews; in fact, they loosened the gun regulations that existed before Hitler took office.
Somehow, I don’t think you’ll care much about that.
A history major.
I have not always been a fan, but I have to say you were mighty impressive in the ten-hour circus that was your grilling by (half of) the Select Committee on Benghazi. By staying calm, no matter how ridiculous and repetitive the Republicans’ questions were, you gave a master class in political cool.
I’m still rooting for Bernie, though.
Not quite won over.
Dear Tammy Duckworth:
Wow. You managed to wrap a softball question up in tough sounding words so it actually looked like you were going after Clinton. I am assuming that her hitting it out of the park was your intended result.
Someone who would be very happy to have you as my representative.
Dear Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney, and everyone else who doesn’t know how the tax code works:
Stop using “taxes” when you really mean income taxes. Even people you despise for not paying income taxes are on the hook for payroll taxes, and excise taxes (not to mention state and local taxes, which are generally regressive).
And, even if what you said was true, and the top one percent paid forty-five percent of all taxes, I’m okay with that; they possess as much wealth as the bottom 90%.
Dear CSI: Miami* writers:
No one, but no one, who lived in Miami would ever use the phrase “down to St. Pete.” St. Petersburg is over 250 miles northeast, taking I-75 across Alligator Alley and up the west side of the state. Next time, either say “up to St. Pete” or “down to Key West.” Sheesh.
I guess that’s what you get by being based in L.A.; still, given how many years the show was on before this episode, you could have looked a map sometime.
Someone who lived there who knows basic geography.
*Yes, I know, CSI:Miami went off the air in 2012. I still watch episodes, in no small part because I like the stock shots of south Florida. (The interiors are all shot in California.)