Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
         Like a weaned child with his mother;
         Like a weaned child is my soul within me. 
                                                   Psalm 131:2.

It has taken awhile.

Usually, in the fall, I am filled witha sense of calm and well-being. The lengthening days and increasingdark soothe me.

For a variety of seasons that simply did nothappen this year.

Today is a gentle day. I amexperiencing a sense of calm and content that has eluded me for awhile. The sky is the clear cornflower blue that I love so dearly. The afternoon sunlight “pours in like butterscotch,”* anddrenches everything in a golden glow. The light is almost visible.

The holidays are coming. I can listento holiday music now without my family complaining (too much). I amnot going anywhere this December, so I can look towards a hopefullynot-too-stressful Christmas. The traditions of our family, whichwhatever the condition of my faith mean a great deal to me, are onthe horizon: The Not-So-Little Drummer Boy will be home in a coupleof weeks, there will be the annual tree hunt and decorating, and thelatke dinner cooked by the Resident Shrink on the second night ofHanukkah. And this year, I may return to Midnight Mass, thecomforting ritual of a Catholic upbringing. There are always thecarols we sing on Christmas Eve evening, a holdover from The RocketScientist’s family.

There will be the lights, and theannual trip around various neighborhoods to see the displays. Thehighlight for the past few years has been the ten-foot tall reindeerin Willow Glen. The lights bring me great joy.

This is not to say there is not a lotin my life right now that is cause for concern or sadness. I amstill without a job, with all the economic and personal uncertaintythat brings, and a close friend just lost hers. Various members of myfamily are going through times of great stress, even pain. I amthere for them as much as I can be. I am still recovering from beingsick, given to bouts of great fatigue. (I recognize that this maycontribute to my sense of calm: I really do not have the energy to bestressed about anything.)

But my life is what it is.

And at just this very moment, that’sokay.

*From “Chelsea Morning,” by JoniMitchell.