Posted on February 10, 2013 by Pat Greene

I had this exact conversation with the Red-Headed Menace, once.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bridge.png

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Play on.

Posted on February 9, 2013 by Pat Greene

“If music be the food of love, play on!”  Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 1.  William Shakespeare

I started to make a list yesterday of of “Music I can’t live without” and it turned out to be “Music I really like right now.”  It ranges from the sublime “Rhapsody in Blue” to the lyrical “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” by Josh Groban to …. “F*** You” by Cee-Lo Green.

There is a lot of pop, a fair bit of rock, and a surprising amount of country.  Broadway, of course:  “The Flesh Failures/Let the Sunshine In” from Hair, “By My Side” from Godspell, Raul Esparza’s moving “Marry Me a Little” from the 2006 revival of Company, Alice Ripley’s painful “I Miss the Mountains” from Next to Normal.

So this morning found me in the kitchen making pancakes, dancing around in my nightgown to “Woodstock” and the Moulin Rouge! version of “Lady Marmalade” (it had gotten on the playlist by accident)* and Bruce Springsteen’s “Blinded by the Light.”  This last may be the most wonderful totally incomprehensible song ever.  Unlike Don McLeans’s “American Pie,” R.E.M.’s “End of the World,” or even the Manfred Mann cover of it, this song in no whatsoever takes itself seriously. It is a jumble of barely understandable phrases, and at times it sounds like Springsteen is on the verge of laughing.

As I said, the country surprises me. I never listened to country — in fact rather disdained it — until law school, when my moot court partner forced me to listen to a Randy Travis tape.  (Wendy, I know you are not reading this, but thanks.  I owe you.) I tended to occasionally buy into the stereotype of country listeners as being politically conservative if not somewhat reactionary.  (See, e.g., Toby Keith.  Or not as the case may be).  This is clearly not always true — not of the fans, or even the artists themselves.  Some of the country I have has definite political or social overtones that are clearly in line with my own values:  “Travelin’ Thru” by Dolly Parton, which is one of my life anthems, was from a movie about a transgendered woman and the son she fathered as a teenager, and “We Shall Be Free” by Garth Brooks, was banned from a lot of country stations because it included the line “when we’re free to love anyone we choose.”  And then there are the Dixie Chicks, of course.  And Kathy Mattea and Mary Chapin Carpenter (although whether those two are country or folk is an open question with me.) There are Taylor Swift and Mumford and Sons, which aren’t country but sort of sound like they are, and Lady Antebellum and The Band Perry who definitely are.   And then there is “Gunpowder and Lead” by Miranda Lambert, which is not on the playlist but which I have been listening to a lot lately.  I’m not sure of the lady’s politics, but her view of her own empowerment is refreshing.**

That song interests me because of the contrast between how it was received and the reaction to “Goodbye Earl” by the Dixie Chicks ten years ago.  In both cases, the song involved women who took violent action in self-defense.  The objection to “Goodbye Earl” was  that the woman “got away with murder,” ignoring that they only acted when the law failed to protect them from abusive men.  “Gunpowder and Lead” seems to indicate a shift in opinion, or maybe it is simply that the lady in question shot the guy openly rather than poisoning him and hiding the body. (Do not get me started on Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.”  Had a man acted they way the woman does in this song, he would rightfully have been seen as violent and potentially dangerous, even though it involved only property damage, not personal injury.  Men can be victims of domestic violence as well as women, and this song seems to excuse such behavior.)

There is no rap on this playlist, nor heavy metal.  In fact, the only heavy metal I have in my music library (not counting Led Zeppelin, which I don’t) is “Enter Sandman” by Metallica.  I’m not saying that there is none out there that I would not like, simply that I do not tend to seek out music, but listen to it as I find it, and I just don’t run into much of those genres.

I have written before many times about my musical tastes, so this might be redundant, but to the extent that my music reflects my personality at any given moment, this is who I am right now.

*I have seen and heard a lot of people maintain that this is an awful song.  It may be, but it sure is fun to dance around the kitchen to.

**Just gotta love a woman who was part of a group that did an album called Hell on Heels.

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Love.

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Pat Greene

Love is patient; love is kind;
love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:5-7 (New Revised Standard Version)

Eva Cassidy’s cover of Sting’s “Fields of Gold” is one of the most perfect love songs ever recorded.  There is a depth, a gentleness… It is not about the flash of infatuation, or the fire of the first rush of excitement and discovery, but surety and security and the long years together. About knowledge and devotion.

It is about loving someone, not merely being in love with someone. Being in love is fireworks and spectacular sunsets, loving someone is a lot more pedestrian. It is finding joy in the little things — in holding hands, in watching old movies together, in laughing at the same jokes.

If you are lucky, being in love with someone deepens to simply loving them.*

I’ve heard people express confusion how someone could remain friends with their exes.  I understand: it is because the love they had for their former partner was genuine.  Because one of the marks of genuine love is that, no matter what happens, you only want the best for them.  You want them to be happy, healthy, and whole, even if you or they need to move on.

Real love creates real people, much as in The Velveteen Rabbit it creates real rabbits.

This does not apply merely to romantic relationships, either.  My best friends, whom I do love dearly, are those I trust enough to tell about the darkest parts of myself.  They know, and they still care about me.  And I know them, and their faults, and I love them anyway.

This past week I emailed a dear friend whom I had lost track of.  She had reached out to me several years ago, and I in shame and confusion about the way my life was going at that point failed to respond.  Finally, four years later, I wrote her an email, including all the parts of my life that are sore and painful and which I hesitate to admit to anyone.

She wrote back, telling me in turn about her life.  She began by thanking me for the letter, the update and the trust, and ended by saying that our friendship was important to her, that it was worth nurturing.  Every time I read her email, I cry.  A wall has fallen, and the relief is almost painful.

There are so many people that I have loved whom I need to reclaim.  While it is true that some people are friends forever, and others simply for a season,  perhaps I have been too quick to mistake people  who are the former as being the latter.

*There is the case, of course, when one person moves into “loving” and the other person doesn’t.  That tends to be quite painful for everyone involved.

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Posted on February 5, 2013 by Pat Greene

By all rights, I should be unhappy.  I have been struggling on my own for four weeks now, with another two and a half before the Rocket Scientist comes back from Antarctica.  (You know those studies that say you need a certain amount of physical contact to be healthy?  I think they’re right.)  I lost a job that I had in the bag that would have been perfect for me — a candidate showed up for the same job who had six years  more experience at the experience. The house has gotten messy.  The Red-Headed Menace has been sick. I’ve been grouchy. The world in both micro and macro spheres scares me.  I have been lonely.

And I have been unhappy; all of those things have been weighing on me.

But, just this moment, everything seems okay.  I am sitting in the local Starbucks (where else?) and for once I like the music they are playing.  The sky outside is slowly dimming into late afternoon beauty, streaked with just the right amount of clouds.  In half an hour, we will have a wondrous sunset.

Railfan is mowing the lawn. The Red-Headed Menace is better, and may be on tap to cook dinner.  I am hopeful I will actually get my laundry done.  I am considering going to the local dive where I went for the Super Bowl and having another Guinness.  I applied to another job that I know I would love, but I am not even thinking about whether it will come through.  If it does, it does; if not, then not.  I have other things to keep me occupied.

I wrote to a dear friend this weekend catching her up on my crazy life.  She wrote back, catching me up on hers.  Last Friday, I received the most lovely email from another friend, saying that I had been talked of “with great affection” at a lunch between her and another mutual friend.  I was moved beyond words.

Connection: it is so important, and I am so very bad at it.  I am so scared that no one will want to be around me, that no one will care, I can’t see the people right in front of me.

I have a deep and abiding — and, I have been assured, completely inaccurate — belief that I am pretty much forgettable.  I have been asked whether this is because in some way I wish to be forgettable and forgotten, that being otherwise places actual responsibilities on me. I can’t answer that question.

I even spent time today trolling through LinkedIn and adding connections.  I know a lot of people.  A lot more people than I remembered that I knew.  And some of those connections were to people who I like a great deal, and of whom I have fond memories.

I ran into a woman from my former church today.  I have not been to any church — other than sporadically — since I left three years ago, now.  She was glad to see me.  “I haven’t been to church in a long time,” I said,  not looking at her. “But you are always welcome back,” she replied.

It seems that all my bridges have been burnt
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with the restart

“Roll Away Your Stone,” Mumford and Sons.

There is a great deal to be said for just sitting and letting the world flow around you, and thinking of all the wonderful people in it.

Posted in Personal Relationships | Tagged | 2 Comments

There are days when the world is too beautiful to be believed.

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Pat Greene | Leave a comment

Observations from the game…

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Pat Greene

I am sitting here at a local dive bar watching the Super Bowl.  I decided that I wanted to watch the game with people I have not given birth to.

The Sandy Hook choir is making me cry.  Jennifer Hudson is great, too.  Alicia Keys butchered the anthem.

GoDaddy should be prevented from making commercials for the next five years.  It is not the geek kissing the beautiful woman that bothers me.  Geeks have sex drives and can be a lot of fun.  No, it was the vague implication that this was nonconsensual and the overt objectification involved.

The Calvin Klein add was… distracting. Umm, yeah.  What was I talking about, again?

I love the Oreo cookie fight that took place in the library, where everyone was whispering.

I don’t like the Niners, but I like Ray Lewis even less.  Besides, who can root against Colin Kaepernick?  He comes across as a goofy kid.  He reminds me a bit of a very young Eli Manning, if Eli Manning had fallen in love with a tattooist.

This place is having a Super Bowl party, including a roast pig.  I though that was hyperbole, until I saw the skull.  The pork was good, though.  The “chili” was terrific, even if it did have beans in it.

First beer in forever.  Damn, I had forgotten just how much I love Guinness.

Volkswagon should be ashamed of itself. Nothing like laughing at a culture not your own, is there?

I already drink the stuff, but otherwise I would start drinking Coke.  Such a change from the stupid, boring Polar Bears… Any ad which includes cowboys, camels, bikers and showgirls (with a glitter cannon!) racing across the desert is okay by me.

Uh, oh — it is going to be a long night for the Niners. (Down 22.)

Halftime with Beyonce.  Yawn. Let’s see, their target demographic…. there are beautiful women in skimpy, skin-tight, leather outfits.  At least she didn’t lip sync.

Of course, the target demographic for the Calvin Klein ad was the exact opposite.

Best quote, by someone I don’t know but passed along by my friend Joe Decker: “FInally, America cares about New Orleans’ infrastructure.  For once.”

Thing not going well… am heading out to see the end of the debacle with my kids.

I get home and… wait, what?  The Niners are back in contention? Maybe I should have simply not watched the entire game.

Hey, wait! the bad call was not the holding, it was the incomplete pass the play before.

Ah, well, at least the Niners made it close.  People around here will be happier than they might be otherwise. TIme to wrap up, and take something for my starting to be upset stomach.

One of the best things about being on the West Coast?  You can watch the Super Bowl and still not miss this week’s Downton Abbey.

Now it’s only seven months until the next pro season starts.  I can hardly wait.  Although what I am going to do until baseball begins, I have no idea.

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Oh, dear…

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Pat Greene

Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

Or carelessness. Or overwork. Or simple mental fatigue. Or distract…ooh! squirrel!

Via Facebook (where I sadly get too much information that is interesting in my life), I ran across this Cracked.com article, “5 Ways You’re Accidentally Making Everyone Hate You.”

Uh-oh.

This hits me on two levels: one, I am guilty of four of these more than occasionally, and two on a semi-regular basis (perhaps oddly, Number One seems to be the one I am least likely to step into) and b) I have reacted to other people who have committed these inadvertent slights as though they were intentional.  As if things were all about me, which they almost always are not.  I find myself faced with what one might call a delicate situation.

A) is easy to deal with, or at least straightforward.  Stop doing these things.  Be more careful what say and more conscientious about how you interact with people.  Answer your damn email promptly.*  Express gratitude better; don’t assume people know how much you value them. Apologize to people whom you have inadvertently slighted. There are some overdue emails involved in this scenario.

B), though… Going forward, it’s not a problem.  Give people the benefit of the doubt. Assume that they do not intend to be mean, dismissive, or rude, unless they clearly do.  Narrow your parameters for what defines those terms.

Looking backward, however, presents me with a dilemma.  I don’t know how to approach people I have treated less than kindly because of how I perceived their behavior and say “I’m sorry I thought you were being a jerk, I realize now you didn’t mean it” without sounding condescending and obnoxious.  And there are several people whom I value from whom I have distanced myself for precisely these reasons, and whom I now believe to have been innocent of any wrongdoing.  As I have said before (and without going into details) last year was pretty terrible for me, and I had a tendency to overreact.

I will need to find the appropriate way to grovel without sounding like I am, you know, groveling.  Then I have some different emails to write.**

*And blog comments.  Definitely need to do better with replying to blog comments.

**If you think you are one of these people, drop me a line? Especially if you do not want me to grovel. It will save time.

Posted in Personal Relationships | Tagged | 3 Comments

It’s a simple message and I’m leaving out the whistles and bells…

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Pat Greene
So the room must listen to me
Filibuster vigilantly
“Birdhouse in Your Soul,” They Might Be Giants



If you came here from the Blogger “Wild Winds of Fortune” site, welcome.  (And hey!  Thanks for actually clicking on a link rather than shrugging and going “meh.”)

I plan for this to be my new blogging home.

I’m not sure how much I will be blogging — I am looking for a job, doing paid work for the nonprofit I volunteer for*, doing some other, more long form writing, etc. — and I am concerned that blogging will interfere with those plans.

Still….  I’m back.

*This is not as much of an oxymoron as you might think: I have years of doing unpaid work for them, and am being paid less than I would be at In-N-Out Burger (albeit more than McDonald’s).
Posted in Blogging | 2 Comments

Ten years ago today…

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Pat Greene

It is one of those dates.  For most of the country, there is November 22, 1963, and September 11, 2001. Where were you? What do you remember? And in the case of 9/11, did you know anyone in the Towers?

For those in the space community, there are three others: January 27, 1967, when Apollo 1 caught fire; January 28, 1986, when Challenger exploded upon takeoff; and February 1, 2003, when Columbia disintegrated upon re-entry over Texas.

I do not remember the first — I was too young.  I remember the second all too well, it made me take a hard look at whether I wanted to marry a man whose life’s ambition was to fly in one of those birds.  And the third…

I still remember getting out of bed — it was a Saturday, we had slept late — and having to go break the news to a stunned Rocket Scientist.  My first question to him was — was his astronaut friend on board?  No, he answered.  Then the follow up:  did he know anyone aboard? Yes, he knew one of them slightly.  In some ways, it didn’t matter: we mourned them all equally, including Ilan Ramon, the first Israeli astronaut.  It stunned and saddened us.

It seems like it was yesterday.  And yet, it seems like long ago and far away. The space program is a different things than it was back then.  The shuttles have all been mothballed, with nothing left to replace them.

We need to remember these men and women, who they were and what they did.  They did amazing work that was only recognized when they lay dead on the plains of Texas or in the water of the Atlantic. They are the best of us, the best of who we can be as a country, as a species.

We remember them.  We salute them.

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Posted on February 1, 2013 by Pat Greene

I suppose it should make me less unhappy that the woman who told me I wasn’t getting the job (because another candidate showed up with six years more experience at the same job than I had ) seemed to feel badly about it (she kept apologizing over and over).  It should help my wounded pride that she told me I was their leading candidate otherwise, and that if the other person did not pan out she would call me immediately, although she was sure that I would not be available because someone would have snapped me up.

It doesn’t.

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Watch this space.

Posted on January 26, 2013 by Pat Greene

For those who read my “Hey, Alligators,” post, I just wanted to say that I will be resuming blogging here.  No one I know reads me here, so I will not spend my time obsessing over who my audience is.  There were other reasons that will probably be temporary in nature.

Also, there is the entire getting out from under the Google empire, which is appealing all on its own.  I would have done it much earlier, except that I really liked the appearance of the Blogger blog, which had taken me a bit of tweaking to get exactly as I like it.  I have not been as successful here — I am having trouble setting up my sidebar pictures.  It won’t be quite right without those.

I still have other writing do — perhaps a novel — and I’m job hunting and refreshing my Office skills, and trying (or at least thinking of trying) to reach out to old friends and make new ones (I’m far too isolated).  Add to that the increased responsibility that I have with the Rocket Scientist in Antarctica, and I am not sure how much will get done here.

Posted in Blogging | Tagged | 2 Comments

Hey, alligators.

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Pat Greene

Hiatus: A gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break.

I have been posting on this blog off and on for seven years.  In some years it has been more off than on, admittedly, but for the past three I have been posting frequently (for me), even if not consistently.

I’m taking a break.

I’m not sure how long of a break.  It could be days, weeks, months, years…. forever.  It might not even last longer than tomorrow, if I chicken out or find I can’t live without the delusions of …. not grandeur… influence maybe? …. that I get from this thing.

I have been thinking about leaving for some time now.  At first, I planned to walk away completely.*  Just leave it sitting here.  I had thought in December that when I hit 1000 published posts, that would be the perfect time.  That deadline came and went.  Then I thought that the New Year would be appropriate.  That has passed.  I found myself thinking about giving blogging up for Lent — I have a couple of times in the past — but that would be intellectually and spiritually dishonest; Lent has little meaning for me anymore, which fills me with deep sadness.

I had planned to write this post this past weekend. Then I chose to wait until I could post about Aaron Swartz’s suicide. That done, I am writing it now.

This blog is a time sink, a distraction, a temptation.  Not just to write, but to obsess over unimportant statistics. To see how many people (not many) follow me, or how many hits I get a day, or which posts are most popular. It becomes a not-very-healthy compulsion.

It might not matter quite so much if I didn’t feel so unhappy about the quality of my blogging these days.  Writing is slow and hard. I know that blogging is not real writing, but I seem to be spending a lot of time writing very short posts about very little things.  Not that there have not been any I have liked or been proud of:  my post on mental illness and violence, “Dickens Fair,” and “I wish you joy” stand out for me.  Whether they are good in some objective sense is, as always, difficult for me to tell, but I like them.

I have other things I need to do.  I have skills I need to hone. I have people I need to reconnect with.  I would like to take some courses — online and in real life.  I have books to read; the only way to become a better writer is to be an accomplished reader.   I have other writing, even, that needs to take place beyond the confines of this space and which I would never place here. I am hoping that without this blog to tempt me away, I can get some of that done.**

I’m sorry, this has all become needlessly melodramatic.  Contrary to what you might think from reading The Wild Winds of Fortune, I do actually try to avoid drama. In this case, I don’t need to tell you why I am doing this, but I do need to have this explanation down for myself.

So.  Take care of yourselves; be happy, be healthy, be wise.

I’ll see you on the flip side.

*I developed the idea of a break rather than blog-death from Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow.  For those who have read it, I’m deadheading this blog for a while.  For those who haven’t, I recommend it heartily, unless you don’t like science fiction.
**Next up: facing my unhealthy Facebook addiction.

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Sad. So sad.

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Pat Greene

In July, 2011, I wrote about the Aaron Swartz case.  It was with sadness that I read that Aaron Swartz had committed suicide.

From all I have read, Swartz was a sweet guy.  He was only twenty-six, having done more in that short life than most of us do with the entirety of ours. It staggers me that he was young enough to be my son.

Depression is a tricky thing, and at the end of the day the only person responsible for a suicide is the person who takes their own life.  To say or believe otherwise is to act as though they lack free will, that indeed they had no other option. In truth, there is always another option.

That said, severe stress can make people much more susceptible to depression and suicidality. By all accounts, his life was made hell by zealous prosecution of a theft from an company, JSTOR, that itself declined to press charges, or pursue a civil case.  A lot of questions have been raised about the actions of the prosecutor, to the point that a petition have him fired has been posted on the White House’s “We the People” site which has received almost 17,000 votes.

I said in 2011 that what Swartz was indicted for was theft.  Having read a lot more about the case in the past few days, I may have been wrong.* I am still mulling it over.  I definitely think that the laws under which Swartz was charged need to be overhauled: a potential sentence of 35 years? Really?

We have a country in which torturers get off scot-free.  Financial barons who drove the country’s economy into the ground with their reckless behavior end up with bonuses.  Yet a kid who commits what is in essence a victimless crime for an act which would be much better handled with civil litigation is charged and threatened with over three decades in prison.

There is something very wrong with this picture.**

*For me, there is an object lesson on making sure you understand all the facts and the context in which they exist before making grand pronouncements on things.  The entire world is contextual, and I forget this at my peril.
**There have been suggestions that the charges were driven as much by Swartz’s political activity as anything else, which would make the entire affair even  more outrageous.  The prosecution may have also engaged in fishing expeditions with subpoenas aimed at Amazon.

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Now if I can just win that stupid Powerball thing…

Posted on January 12, 2013 by Pat Greene

Remember when I promised a list of the U.S. hotels* I want to stay at when I win the lottery?  This is it.  I chose hotels I am personally familiar with; there are many just as exclusive places — certainly much more expensive ones — to stay in this country, but I was not going to go hunt down lists of the most select hotels just for this post.  For example, I really want to go back to Hawaii, but I don’t have a particular resort I dream about.

Here goes:

Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California.
Really, I could just stop here.  I have loved this building since the first time I saw it.  For some reason it reminds me of some older Florida architecture — The Grand Floridian at Disney World is modeled on the Hotel Del and looks completely at home in its surroundings. I want to stay at this hotel more than any other in the country. Maybe any other in the world.  And it’s right on the beach! How can it be more perfect?

Vinoy Renaissance, St. Petersburg, Florida.
The Vinoy is a wonderful addition to downtown St. Pete, and I remember just how close it came to being demolished. I always love historic preservation efforts that succeed — in Florida there are too many cases where they don’t.

Waldorf-Astoria, NYC.
It’s the freakin’ Waldorf, dude.  (Although I would love to hang out at the restaurant in the Algonquin, inspired by the ghost of Dorothy Parker.)

The Bellagio, Las Vegas.
I love the Bellagio’s refinement in contrast to some other Vegas casinos (at least those that were around when it was built — the Venetian looks pretty good, as well) — and, of course, there are the fountains.

The Breakers, Palm Beach.
Doesn’t every Floridian want to stay at The Breakers?  In addition to the luxury and the architecture, oil and railroad magnate Henry Flagler made South Florida, for good or ill.

Hay-Adams, Washington D.C.
I had the good fortune to eat at the restaurant at the Hay-Adams; The Rocket Scientist and I had our tenth-anniversary dinner there.  It would be great to actually sleep there.

Little Palm Island, Little Torch Key, Florida.
Just look at the pictures.

Greyfield Inn, Cumberland Island, Georgia.
I have to admit, the main reason I want to stay here is that I love Cumberland Island, but I am completely over camping, and the Greyfield Inn is the only other option.  The fact that it is a) historical and b) luxurious, does not hurt.

Ahwhanee Hotel, Yosemite National Park.
See my comment about the Greyfield Inn, above.  I have seen the lobbies of several National Park hotels, but Ahwhanee is the best.  Gorgeous. And it’s in Yosemite.

Greenbrier, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia.
Once again, history has its attractions: Greenbrier was founded in 1778 and has a long and storied past.

I am sure that I might get a chance to stay in a couple of these sometime down the line (although as long as we are paying college tuition, that’s pretty unlikely).

So I have my U.S. tour all mapped out, with National Parks and resort hotels.  I think that covers everything.

*There is another list of international hotels I want to stay at — starting with the luxury hotel located on Easter Island.

Posted in Who I am | Tagged | 1 Comment

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Pat Greene

Am I the only one who sees Mrs. Crowley on Downton Abbey and thinks “Harriet Jones, Prime Minister”?

Posted in Culture (popular and otherwise) | Tagged | 1 Comment